Pregnancy & Parenting > Adoption

Introducing an Adopted Child to your Family

Sibling rivalry – old as the moon and constant as the sun. Every family with more than one child will at some time, in some way experience conflict between brothers and sisters. So, it’s no surprise to learn that some rivalry is bound to happen when you adopt a child.

Normally, the children in the adopting home are very excited to know they’re soon going to have a new brother or sister. They can play a large part in making the new sibling feel at home. But differences will come out and cause tension no matter how hard everyone tries to get along. Problems will vary depending on the ages of the children at home and their ability to understand and reason.

There are many things a parent can do to ease the transition. The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication free and open. Keep your expectations at a reasonable level. Rivalry is something you will naturally encounter on and off for many years to come, and although you can certainly tame the monster, you’ll never be able to destroy it completely, no matter how hard and wisely you fight the battle.

Here are a few things you can do to make life a little easier in this transitional period.

• Prepare your children for the arrival of their new sibling. Draw on their compassion by helping them understand how lost, lonely, afraid and upset their new sibling is probably feeling.

• Teach them the blessed gift of silence. Tell them to respect one another and to not badger the adopted child about his/her previous life.

• Encourage your children to be good role models. Even if they are younger than the adopted sibling, they can display good behavior, respect and kindness to their new housemate.

• Teach your children the importance of confidentiality. Families should practice the sacred rule of “what is spoken here stays here”. Everyone should know that their trust will never be betrayed.

• Strive to spend quality time with your biological children and reassure them that your love is not limited. With some planning and forethought, the transition should be a smooth one for all.